Oh, the Humanity!

Some of you might be old enough, or young enough, depending, to remember the classic episode of Saturday morning drama, Saved by the Bell, in which the group was nearing their high school graduation from Bayside. But, what's that? Zach's in trouble! Our dear hero, Zach Morris, is a few credits shy and will not be able to walk! Of course, the show reconciles itself through Zach diving into a wonderful ballet production and gaining his credits in order to walk. Wow. Just like real life.

Y'know, I say that a bit tongue-in-cheek but it seems that sometimes, life will be forced to become just a hair closer to fiction that we'd like. Last night as I drove the one and a half hour commute to what I thought was to be the last class of my undergraduate career, I sat with my classmates and we shared the relief that now rested upon us now that this long awaited time had come. Until we were handed a bundle of papers. One of those stapled together manifestos included an "unofficial" collection of our credits. As I read over mine, according to this calculation of Satan that I am 2 credits shy of the 126 required for graduation. Damn. This is not good. Not good at all.

So, I have a phone call, email, prayer, and whatever other communication feature that's come to mind in with the school and the Good Lord upstairs. Needless to say, I'm a wee bit bummed until I hear that it's all gonna be all right.

Great Music...and Free too!

If you love some great music, here are a few links to a live acoustic concert that gravel-voiced blues singer, Paul Thorn, did some time ago out in Reno, Nevada. I came across Thorn's music about a year ago and have just loved everything I've heard from him. It's well worth the listen plus it's a free download!

Paul Thorn Set 1

Paul Thorn Set 2

(HT: www.1moeradio.com & www.paulthorn.com)

Some Recent Reviews...

Here are a few reviews I've written as of late for Infuze. Give 'em a read and let me know what you think. I need the constructive criticism. I'd like to make some money at this one day!

Sigor Ros

Los Lonely Boys

David Crowder Band

Freaked Tribute Album

I realize that these aren't exactly Jack Kerouac and "On the Road" but, hey, it's a start!

The Feminine Side of God

Recent months, especially with the explosion of Dan Brown's book, The Da Vinci Code, have brought with them a renewed discussion of the feminine and especially how this plays out in terms of our faith. Of course, Brown takes the discussion a bit further than history or the facts allow for but it's a work of fiction. Yet, there is something to the realization that God, as being the Creator and Sustainer of all things, would also have within Himself the feminine as well.

This thought occurred to me (and let me say, it's certainly nothing profound or that nobody else has ever thought of either) the other night while we sat in church. Erin was holding our baby girl while the pastor preached upon one of the ten commandments. He referenced a passage in Matthew with which I am very familiar wherein Christ commands his followers to not worry about what tomorrow brings, about where their resources will come from, because He is the provider. As this passage rolled back through my mind, I thought of the beautiful image of Erin nursing Peyton. Peyton has no way of ever fulfilling her needs at this point. She can't saunter into the kitchen, pop open the milk jug, and go to town. Rather, she is dependent upon her Mom for everything. And the very cool thing of it is, her Mom has within her everything that Peyton needs for nourishment and strength. Her milk possesses the best of what is available for her to grow to a new level of maturity.

This is the truth that we have in God as well. We go "looking for love in all the wrong places", fretting over what may come tomorrow, about how we'll pay this bill, see this relationship healed, when God Himself offers us the nourishment and protection and security we need in every moment. May I today lean upon this nourishing breast of my Savior and lay aside the worries and cares of the day, acknowledging that I am cared for and loved by Him.

RELIEF...

I just finished typing my final paper for my last class! Whew... What relief!

Regrets? I've had a few...

Lately as I have (and I realize that these past few posts have seemed a bit more overdramatic and whatever lately but just consider me in 'journal mode' right now and hang with it!) found myself thinking ahead to the future, I can't help looking into the past. I've done a lot of things and yet, I haven't. I've married, had children, made some friends, lost some friends, accomplished a few things and left others undone or unpursued. One of those things left undone has been traveling. I've always wanted to travel, at least to some extent. Want to know why? Here are a few examples:

In addition to the stunning grandeur and beauty of these places, there is also the key component, their people. I want to meet people in these places and get to know them. I want to understand and come to know what they think and where they're at in life. I want to hear their ideas and dreams and frustrations and concerns. Why? I'm not really sure. But, I do.

Me and T.V.

It's been years since I've watched anything consistently. Oh, sure, right after high school as shows like "Beverly Hills 90210" and "Dawson's Creek" entered into syndication I found myself strangely paying a bit more attention to the goings on with the likes of Brandon, Dylan, and those crazy kids in Capeside. But, other than that, my television watching has been fairly hit and miss. Part of it has had to do with what I'd consider the total decline of quality programming on T.V. and the overt rise of reality programming. It seems all we can find now on the little box is shows detailing "real life" this, and "real life" that. It's obviously not a new trend but is something that's been on my mind this morning so, well, I'm sharing.

All that said, however, I may have found a chink in the armor that is television. They've been offering up schlock to us ever since the fine, fine shows "Seinfeld" and the Chris Elliott vehicle, "Get a Life", took their curtain call but now it seems the voices of the people have been heard. We have demanded T.V. worth watching and (again, this is not new! In fact, I'm way late on the bandwagon here!) those pesky execs have finally dug up something that I'll invest an hour of my time in to be entertained. "What are these exciting shows?" you ask. Well, I'll tell you.

The first show is a nifty little story about a man dealing with the world of karma. Having lived a hard life taking from a whole bunch of people and having them fall on hard times due to his actions, he has turned over a new leaf and is on a mission to make amends for the wrongs he's done. Entitled, "My Name is Earl", the NBC program has some very cool elements working for it. First, it's quirky enough to be different from the nine million other sitcoms optioned elsewhere. Second, it actually has a good message and a good concept. This, if you've roamed the airwaves at all, is at a premium right now.

The second show, ironically, follows "Earl" in NBC's coveted Thursday night lineup and features quickly rising star, Steven Carell. The show is "The Office", based upon a UK series that's been converted for our particular American tastes. What is so compelling about this show? I'm not really sure other than the fact that I think we can all identify with the characters therein. We've all worked with an overbearing boss who tries to be our friend and be the "woo hoo" guy in the organization. We've all had the creepy, weird guy who was second in command and really wanted to just work that power. We've all dealt with some sense of interoffice mediocrity and have wondered in futility if this is just as good as it gets. It's comedy at it's best.

So, if you're like me and have been living under a rock for longer than you'd care to admit, drag yourself out of the hole, grab a shower and a shave, and check out these shows. If anything, you'll smile for a few episodes!

At A Crossroads

Just last night I completed what is the next to last class session I'll have to attend in order to finish (finally!) my bachelor's degree. I will have jammed four years of college into twelve more or less and have logged more than my share of miles on a variety of cars in commute. I'll leave the college with a degree in "Leadership and Ministry", as I've shared before. An interesting parting gift for one who has been absent from the institutional church for almost two years now.

In addition to this step/movement in my life, we have the addition of a new life into our situation. Our little girl is such a beautiful and wonderful part of who we are now. It's as though we've never existed without her. Even tonight, I had the opportunity to simply hold her in my arms for an hour or so, looking at her soft, innocent features as she slept. She truly is angelic. Yet, she relies upon us for everything. For some time, this will not change. And this brings a bit of pressure upon me.

Adding to all of these fairly huge life issues is the information and conversation I keep pumping into my mind and listening to. I've been catching up on some of the podcasts I've missed over the past couple of weeks, especially those from Emergent Village and have just been left challenged. I don't want to ignore, leave, or totally disregard the church. Yet, as I ponder my future, and, dare I say, my family's future, I have to weigh the cost of diving into that lifestyle in any way, shape, or form. It has already left it's scars upon our souls and I have to make the decision of whether or not to chance that possibility again. If I do choose to move in that direction, what surety do I have of finding a place that I would hope to fit this time? Am I destined to have to battle uphill for the rest of my days? Will these thoughts and challenges that I've gleaned from Emergent place me somewhere wherein I'm condemned to forever battle?

Last but not least is the continuing desire to write that comes accompanied with a deep fear of sharing what is on my heart. As every person knows who has ever attempted anything remotely creative, our creations are dear to us, almost like children. As we offer those in sharing to others, we risk being hurt by critics and skeptics. Plus, in a very overtly pragmatic sense, as we offer up something, especially in the vein of the written word, we need to have crafted something that ultimately, someone will buy and recommend. I'm leaving college with a degree in ministry stuff, not creative writing, journalism, or even communications. What do I have to offer?

So, with these thoughts swirling around my head today, into my life comes this quote that adds to the challenge. It was in the liner notes to a CD a friend lent me and just made me stop and think. The quote is attributed to President Teddy Roosevelt and reads:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to gain mighty triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither gain much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat."

Hmm...Something to chew on.

Getting Back to "Normal"...

Just thought I'd thow a bit of a personal update in here since I haven't really posted much recently. Life has obviously been a little crazy with our new edition but we've been doing our best. Peyton is beautiful and great but she's not so big on the sleeping through the night thing just yet so it's gotten a wee bit tiresome here and there. But, we will overcome. Most say the first six weeks are the hardest and we're as of tomorrow, halfway through.

In addition to learning to deal with this new person in our life, we're also having to keep our son, Tyler, aka "Batman", occupied as well. We're doing all we can to keep him from getting jealous or from feeling left out of the whole thing. But, let's just say, he's one seriously active kid and he wears Daddy out pretty dang fast.

On other fronts, I'm two weeks out from completing school. Actually, as of tomorrow, I'm one week from being done. Done. Now the fun begins because in all honesty, I'm not sure that I really want to do anything quite related to what my major is in. It's going to be tough to find someplace that I'm a fit for with a "Leadership and Ministry" degree unless it's a church. And, just read past posts to see where I currently stand on that issue.

Honestly, I want to keep going and going with my writing. Part of the problem is finding the time to sit down and really work at it. Even now, as I type this, I'm typing in the dark with only the light from the monitor to light my way. I need some quiet and some discipline to get the ball rolling and with two kids in the house, a lovely wife, and a day job that pays poorly, it's a disheartening proposition. I have had the opportunity to do a little bit of writing for the online publication, Infuze Magazine. I've been added to their list of product reviewers and have been working on primarily music reviews for them. It's a nice step but it still doesn't pay. Maybe one day.

Well, it's not much but it's a bit of an update. I'm going to be writing more as time goes along. I've some questions and queries I'm going to need to get out of my head here soon or it's going to blow. Plus I'm going to be posting some reviews here and there just to practice my "craft" if my three readers don't object!

A Lesson We All Need to Learn

"We should not look at backgrounds, our religious background, the only thing we should look at is who needs help and give him this help." - Shawee Amenadeed

Here's a great story about this young man from Lebanon, quoted above, who has started his own foundation called, "Volunteers With No Constraints". It's well worth your time. May we all learn the truth and beauty of the lesson this teenager is living out!

A Study in Compassion

Some Unforeseen (or forgotten) Aspects of Marriage and Parenthood

I'd forgotten how interesting the life of being (a) married, and (b) pregnant/with newborn, really was. I mean, once your significant is deemed pregnant, really the whole world is upended. Your priorities change. Where money might once have been pooled for a family vacation or some other such extravagence, now it goes toward the purchase of diapers and frilly pink (or blue, depending upon your prospective situation) clothing for this little individual who will soon grace your life with his or her presence.

But this is a simple change. The greater issues come along the social areas of life. The conversations between pregnant women and their partners now takes on a whole new vocabulary, especially for the first time parent. Colorful words like "mucus plug" and "afterbirth" are now deemed palatable for the dinner table. Women's conversastions with fellow girlfriends take on a whole new dimension as the unfortunate eavesdropper hears tell of a plethora of physical changes taking place that said eavesdropper could have lived the rest of his life without knowing about. Eventually, the very thing that incited the pregnancy, the almighty lovemaking, finds itself put to the wayside by the very thing that it was created for.

Yet, this is nothing compared to the point when the child is actually born. A whole new structure overtakes the life of the individuals who now bear the titles "Mommy" and "Daddy". Friends no longer inquire as to your wellbeing or as to your weekend plans. Instead, the questions fall along the lines of, "How's the baby?" People flood the home to see "the baby". But, this is not all. It gets even more strange. Sleep is no longer possible. The cries of this little person whom you had a part in creating no takes their pound of flesh out in trade, seeking to occupy all moments previously designated for sleeping and rest for their pleasure and enjoyment. But something strange has also occurred within the one known as "Mommy", too. At random times during the day or night, you stumble into a room only to find "Mommy", once known as "honey" or whatever relational nicety you choose, with a breast bare to the room with this little person attached. The bare breast is now normal. Nipples abound and discussion of various lactation issues help to pass the time between the Mother and her friends. And that stuff that got you there in the first place, that lovemaking that took a plunge during the latter trimester, is now forbidden by physicians! Oh cruel world!

Good post to check out...

My friend, Ryan, made a great post regarding the current Israeli "conflict" that is taking place. Those who have responded to it have offered up some good points for discussion as well. I encourage you to check it out.

Sorrowful Hypocrisy

Parental Reflections

Okay, hold onto your britches. For those of us who have already experienced the joys of birth and parenthood, this will not be profound. For those who haven't, you probably still know this intuitively but you will not truly know it until you experience it for yourself. Are you ready? Here goes:

Having a child changes your life.

I know what you're thinking, "Duh." And you're right. It is one of those things that sort of goes without saying. But there is something that exceeds the obvious about it as well. Its one thing to acknowledge that there is a new person in the house, that there is another mouth to feed and a new financial "burden" to bear. That is the natural man that deals with those things. And they're very real things. I've laid awake a few nights counting nickels and dimes in my head trying to make sense of the financial and material aspects of our then impending new child. Having dealt with one already that cost us a pretty penny, it'd daunting.

But there's something more to the whole deal. When you see this little person, hold this little person, that you were allowed to have a part in creating, in bringing to this world, it changes you. Something tangibly within you changes and you see the world through new eyes. The cares and worries of the world, those aforementioned financial and material issues, they fall to the wayside. You find yourself viewing everything differently, politics, pop culture, even people you pass on the roadside. The reason is this: Life is the important thing. Things, social status, even simple things like being on time for an appointment fade away in light of this understanding. This is not to say that we should throw our clocks away and just show up whenever or reject the "World Series of Pop Culture" and politics outright, but that we should view them in their proper contexts.

I guess where I'm going with this whole rambling thought is this. Some of us really want to see the world changed. When you have a child, you exchange your eyes for a new set of lenses that simply allow you to pursue that change with a new understanding. You know understand that this world is not about systems and conquest and money and getting more done and so forth but it is about people. Just as Christ taught, the Kingdom is not about conquest but about love. When we learn to love others as we love ourselves, and dare I say our children, we enact the very change we pursue.

Plus, it's just really cool.

My Last Week in Pictures...at least part of it...

All bundled up with no place to go...

A few funny moments but for a movie that dogs on scandals like Enron, it seems to justify some scandals of it's own.

Hey, we're watching movies at home with a new baby! They've gotta be family friendly!

We do this a lot....A least Erin and Peyton do.

Not too bad a movie, actually.

I know, too cute.

Tired but proud...

So we're wicked tired, worn out, but way proud. Mom comes home tomorrow and we'll try and post more soon...

To be continued...

The Fourth of July

Shooter Jennings sings in the chorus of his song, The Fourth of July:

"You were pretty as can be, sitting in the front seat

Looking at me, telling me you love me, and you're happy to be,

With me on the 4th of July

We sang Stranglehold to the stereo

Couldn't take no more of that rock n roll

So we put on a little George Jones and just sang along"

Well, my little girl was ready for some fireworks and George Jones! Yep, that's right, at 4:25 P.M. on our nation's birthday, our beautiful little girl, Peyton Brooke, decided to come into the world! Mommy and baby are doing great and Dad, well, Dad's just tired right now but pretty dadgum proud! I'll write more when I can but I'm just busting out with pride!

Holy Funny, Batman!

Recently my son has become enamored with the old-school, Adam West and Burt Ward, Batman. I'm a fan of the campy series and had picked up a DVD of the "feature film" somewhere along the way and popped it in one day for him in hopes that he'd take it over another "Barney" or "Bob the Builder" movie. And, he did. So now, he's Batman and yours truly gets the true distinction of being the sidekick, Robin.

Well, the other day at preschool, Tyler came in from his time on the playground with a nice scrape/goose egg on his noggin. So, his teachers naturally asked him what happened. My son looked at his teachers ever so calmly and said, "I fell out of the Batcave!"

When prodded for the story again, he looked at them incredulously, like, what's so hard here folks?, and again replied, "I'm Batman! I fell out of the Batcave!"

The teachers about busted a gut and looked at Tyler, saying, "We can't put that on the accident report!"

To the Batcave!

Review: Lamb by Christopher Moore

It's just been in the past few weeks that I've become acquainted with the work of Christopher Moore. In all honesty, I'd never even heard of the guy until Marko remarked that he'd been reading Moore's newest work and that it was great. So, after a little Googling to see if it was the sort of stuff I might be interested in, I started keeping my eyes open. I found the one Marko was talking about in the bookstore but, well, it's new and new books are, um, expensive. At least the hardcover one's are. And I'm not exactly made of the money, you know? So, my head hanging low, I trudged off only to a few days later peruse my local Goodwill bookstore. That's right, our town is so happening we have a whole Goodwill store devoted solely to books! Woo hoo! Anyway, I thought to look for some Christopher Moore and lo and behold, I found Lamb and Fluke there for like six bucks total. Sweet.

Well, let me first give you the full title of the book. It's: Lamb - The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. That alone ought to tell you something. My more conservative friends are thinking to themselves, "Yeah, it ought to tell you that it's a waste of time". Well, phooey on you. I really enjoyed this book. I'll admit, it is definately not for everybody. If you're easily offended or take issue with what some might call "colorful language", well, stay away. However, if you're up for a good laugh, and some stuff that at the very least makes you think, then check this out.

In the style of Douglas Adams, Lamb essentially sets out to fill in the gaps that the Gospel accounts leave open, namely the thirty or so years that go relatively unspoken of regarding Jesus' life and upbringing. Moore takes Jesus, or Josh as he is referred to here (which is accurate considering the Hebrew, Yeshua, is essentially our, Joshua) and his best friend, Levi who is called Biff, from about the age of five or six up through the crucifixion. Biff has been resurrected for the purpose of writing an additional Gospel due to some sort of anniversary of the birth of Christ. Well, Biff sets out to do just that. In the meantime, he sneaks a peak at the Gideon Bible in the hotel in which he and the angel supervising his work take up residence.

Biff takes issue with much of the Gospel accounts, considering them both insufficient and, well, a bit candy coated. Plus, they hardly mention him! So, Biff sets out to set the record straight. The story covers everything from the development of Josh's healing ministry to his learning how to multiply food. It has Josh and Biff travel to distant lands where the duo learn ancient secrets of wisdom, and kung fu, from the likes of the Three Wise Men. Through it all, despite what some might assume, Moore deftly deals with the purity of the Christ figure. While Moore's Josh is certainly not really our Jesus, nor does Moore fully intend him to be, Joshua is consistently the moral mover and shaker of the book. Biff, however, is not and is definately the ultimate comic relief within the whole work.

Christopher Moore has, self-admittedly, set out to craft an entertaining story that draws from the greatest story ever told. It is not intended to be fact nor is that stated anywhere unlike a certain Mr. Brown's work. And Moore has succeeded. Lamb is damn funny, and makes you think. It truly can be a driving force in helping one to ask some important questions about faith. Or, it can just be a good summer read. Either way, it's worth checking out.

I Haven't Forgotten You, My Lovely Blog...

I haven't forgotten about this thing. I've just been swamped and/or tired. So, I can't blog right now. I just can't. But, perhaps tonight will provide the time and impetus necessary. For my reference:

Angelina Jolie
Sibling class
InfuzeMag
Church
Christopher Moore

Thanks for indulging me this rambling. Something more coherent to follow soon!

If at First You Don't Succeed....

So, this past weekend, my wife suggested that we try going to a Saturday night church service. Now, I've been warming up to the idea of getting back into church and tried to be open as we headed off. It's a church whose Sunday services we've attended before. Anyway, we went.

I tried. I really, really did. But for whatever reason, upon opening the door to get out of the car in the parking lot, my defenses went back up. I questioned the happy faces that greeted us at the door. One gentleman, as he shook my hand, exclaimed, "Hey! Good to see you!" Now, I know that this behavior, in and of itself, is not bad. It's good to smile at people, to greet them and such, but for whatever reason, cynicism, skepticism, and the like, I questioned it.

During the song service, I sang along but it felt forced. I looked around at people, hands raised in the air, clapping and dancing, and thought to myself in the words of the old Righteous Brothers song, "You've lost that loving feeling". And I have. I guess part of me is envious of those people. I would like to be a part of something that I truly could get behind, that I could truly put my trust in. But the institutional church is not that entity for me. Some will argue that I must simply forgive past hurts and get over it. To a degree, they're right. However, don't judge me as harshly unless you've walked a mile in these shoes. Others will say that I must be part of something if I'm going to help change it. They're right too, to a degree.

I don't know. It's yet another quandry I find myself in. I look to the Scriptures. I look to the church. In all honesty, they don't look the same near enough for me. I'm not sure what role I'm to play in that just yet but I'm seeking it out. I want to be part of the solution, part of the new revolution, part of the generation that throws off the old and puts on the new, walking in truth and light. I've just got to figure it out.

Ponderings...

Last night, after class, when I usually just chat with my classmates for a moment in the parking lot before dashing off in hopes of getting home at a relatively decent time, I instead stood in the parking lot talking for an hour plus with my good friend, Dan. We don't agree on some issues and that's fine. We agree to disagree but are both at least open to dialogue on the issues. In all honesty, last night I saw a new side to my friend. There were some interpersonal things that just oozed out and some intellectual concepts as well. I guess, well, I don't know. It was just one of those conversations that left you thinking. I think that's a great conversation.

Some items we discussed included the dogmatism held by many conservative, Protestant evangelicals. Now, to some degree, I'd put myself in that group. Yet, like my friend, Dan, there is a point to which I'll be willing to admit, although sometimes begrudgingly, that I'm, and this was his phrase of the evening, "not sure that I know what I know". The essential genesis of this idea was the almost blatant refusal to accept, agree with, or discuss some of the more liberal theologians of the twentieth century and before. These men, in their own right, were brilliant people who truly were in a search for truth. They were bound to their times in some sense, in the sense that they were birthed from a culture that held to a certain way of thinking that perhaps we do not now. But did they ask the important and compelling questions? Did they with honesty, humility, and genuineness seek to answer those questions? And can we not learn from them, both positively and negatively, and at least admit that some of our dogmatism is more of a cultural construct than something that we fully "know that we know"?

I don't know...I've got to think about it for a bit...

Some, um, interesting links...

I've just run across these links the past couple of days and thought I'd share. The first gets a hat-tip to Marko:

Interesting Japanese ice cream flavors...

Just keep clicking next and see what yummy gastronomic inventions those wacky Japanese have thrown together. I guarantee you won't look at your Ben & Jerry's the same way again!

The other link I picked up from a message board somewhere along the way and honestly don't remember who I got it from so please forgive me. But, either way, for those of us suffering from American Idol withdrawal, I offer to you some decent song clips from he who should have been dubbed "idol", Chris Daughtry. And, ironically, they're clips of some worship songs! Pretty cool, I thought...

Chris Daughtry clips

Okay, I guess that's all for now. Soon I'm going to be posting reviews of a couple of books I've graciously received for free pending reviews. They include Jason Boyett's new, Pocket Guide to the Bible, a serious but also tongue-in-cheek intro to the Scriptures, and Scot McKnight's, Praying with the Church! Keep your eyes open!

Keeping myself accountable...

Okay, this past January I set some goals. They were not resolutions but were honest and heartfelt goals that I thought would be worthy of my time this year. I thought that since we have just passed the midway mark through the year it would be a fine occasion to look to those goals and see where we stand. Thanks for humoring me.

Goal #1: Read all the unread books I have in my library. I'm going to track my reading this year just for the heck of it and I really need to work my way through a bunch of books I already own!
Okay, I'm so so here. I have read some of the books in my library but at the same time have, well, amplified said library with occasional trips to the bookstore as well. But, some is better than none. There's some improvement here at the least!

Goal #2: Finish up my bachelor's degree, finally.
August 1st will be my last day of class and I will be free, free, free. Thank God Almighty, I'll be free!

Goal #3: Take a vacation. I haven't really had one in nearly seven years, since our honeymoon. It's time for a legitimate getaway.
While we didn't really take a getaway to anyplace special, just a week or so ago Erin and I took a whole week off together in order to just breathe and regroup before our new edition decides to make her pretty face seen. It was wonderful and relaxing and we're looking forward to more times of peace like this!

Goal #4: Go on a spiritual retreat, preferably to a monastery.
We'll have to see about this one. It's going to depend upon how things are with Peyton when she's born and such!

Goal #5: Write. And then write some more. I can't aspire to be a writer, or whatever, if I don't in fact actually discipline myself to do just that. My initial goal is to build to writing for at least a half hour a day and go from there.
Okay, the half an hour a day thing isn't happening just yet but I have started writing some. I've had one article published on the RELEVANT site and am working on a few other things to submit to them and to INFUZE just for the heck of it. I really want to keep working at it and refining my craft if I could.

Goal #6: Be intentional about developing community with others and loving and serving them as Christ.
Hmm...Not sure how to evaluate this one. I have begun meeting regularly with a couple friends in order to just come together and discuss life and faith together. I've also made some conscious efforts to be more loving and missional as I encounter others. I've got a long way to go though...

Goal #7: Turn the television off more.
We're doing pretty good on this one. While Erin still likes firing it up quite a bit despite my encouragement that she pick up one of those antiquated items known as books, we've kept it quiet a little better than we were. I've just been fueled lately with a voracious appetite for reading and have been trying to devour books. Not sure why but I'm enjoying what I'm reading thus far. Currently, I'm reading The Soul of Sex, by Thomas Moore; Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne; and Stranger Than Fiction, by Chuck Palahniuk.

Goal #8: Experience silence and solitude more.
This is one I still struggle with but I'm doing better. Solitude is difficult to come by, especially with a family but I try. Silence comes and goes but I'm doing better. Still some work to be done.

Goal #9: To take action against injustices in practical ways. To align myself with organizations and needs that I can take part it in order to help and serve others.
I've still got some work to do in this area but the drive to do this is growing and growing. I feel a burden within that keeps pushing me to engage and start utilizing what I've learned rather than to allow it just in my head.

Goal #10: Love more, especially in terms of my family. To make more tangible effort to show them that I love them deeply and truly.
Hopefully, I'm doing this. Time will be the ultimate response to this one.

Well, there we are. Again, thanks for going along with me here so I can see where I'm at. I obviously have some room for improvement but am confident that we'll get it worked out!

Lighthearted Fun...Join the Force....

http://maverick.com/familyforce5/med/video/familyforce_kountry-gentleman_300.asx" type="application/x-mplayer2" AutoSize="true" DisplaySize="0">
Family Force 5 - "Kountry Gentleman"
familyforce5.com

Worthwhile reading...

I just read this blogpost by Dan Kimball, pastor of Vintage Faith Church. Kimball's heart here and the expressions shared by those in his congregation mirror much of what my previous post was trying to get at. I'm really at a point where I'm done critiquing church. Now I want to be a part of the movement that both reimagines and reinvigorates it. Check out the post:

I Dream of a Church...

Turning the Tide...

Just recently, I've got to admit that my heart has been shifting a bit. For the past two years I've been sort of stuck in a rut in terms of my relationship with the Church. Actually, I've never really had a problem with the Church as I view it in terms as being the "Body of Christ", or the "Bride of Christ", as I perceive the Bible to teach that it is. Rather, my issue has been with the organization and institution that has borrowed the name "church" and has led to not a little pain and suffering. I've felt the sting of the pain and suffering firsthand, from the inside, and that's part of the reason that I joined the exodus away. The secondary reason, and perhaps, in the long run, the more critical reason, is that I began to see through a new set of eyes, eyes that I now feel are vindicated the more I search the Scriptures of the Bible for truth and light. I see a Christ who calls us to love and forgive rather than gather stones and work on our pitching arms. I see a Christ who commands us to train to take a punch rather than to throw one. I see a Jesus who, rather than sharing a biblical budgeting plan complete with 401K incentives and a Christmas turkey, instead challenges us to leave all, sell all, and give to the poor and the marginal. This is what I've learned in the past two years.

We are called to live a life that is separate from that of the world. Yet the church looks more like the world than we're willing to admit. We build big buildings, put on fancy shows, adopt musical styles, tailor our services in being "seeker sensitive". In some respects, these are not bad things. The problem is, for so many within the church, that's where it stops. We're given messages that challenge us to love our families, be wise with our finances, and bring someone to church. Woo freakin' hoo! Dr. Phil could have given me that advice. What makes us different? What makes us something apart from the world?

That's the question that I'm warming to now. I'm warming to the idea, bizarre as it might sound, of diving back into the church subculture with the heart to work at living right within it and helping to transform it. There are people hungry for the true gospel, a gospel that calls us out and sends us to love, forgive, heal, and care. There is a greater call, a more beautiful call, that Christ has upon my life, upon our lives. I want to learn to love others, to see the Jesus in them. I have to start now.

X-Men 3 vs. Da Vinci...

One of the benefits of taking this week off has been my opportunity to catch up on some movies that I've wanted to see that I just haven't had time for otherwise. There's nothing like a vacation to justify taking some time out to just sit and watch a movie on TV or head to the local theater. It's so nice.

I've already blogged about my thoughts regarding the Da Vinci Code. Well, yesterday, X-Men 3: The Last Stand, premiered and we were able to make it to a matinee in order to not go bankrupt. While I've read a few negative reviews citing that the film, under director Brett Ratner's control became more special effects than story, I really enjoyed this movie, as well as the series as a whole. It's interesting to me really, that, for my money, a film based upon a comic book series, once viewed as the lowest of the low in terms of "literature", if it would have even been allowed in that genre, asks more compelling questions than Da Vinci. The X-Men deal with the questions of difference and how we address those differences. There are questions of the need for redemptive violence over pacifistic resistance. There are even political questions offered up regarding the use and/or overuse of power within those positions. This film series asks questions which are both timeless and contemporary. That's not to say that Da Vinci doesn't but the questions posed by the "X" series are far more plausible than Dan Brown's imaginative fiction. Plus, they are questions that involve us all. We are all faced with these issues every day and must decide how we will react. And, not that it hurts the films at all, the special effects are really great!

A Remission of Sorts...

A few posts ago I related some of my thoughts regarding my opinions of high school reunions, especially in light of my impending one. While I attempt to utilize this forum as a place to sometimes vent, journal, hopefully offer something compelling, or whatever, in hindsight I did make some statements that could be misconstrued and misunderstood. A dear friend of mine responded and I've taken her thoughts to heart. Let me make a few statements here regarding this.

First, I struggle with my place in life. As much as I attempt to eschew attachments, things, and BS notions of success and happiness, I am still human and struggle with these things. While I love and am proud of my place as a husband and father, I do still struggle with the idea of having not "arrived" yet in the career area of my life. I struggle with the idea of still working a retail postion at the age of 29. I wonder what the rest of my life holds for me as I finish up my degree and so forth. So, some of my frustration with the idea of the reunion comes from not a rejection of the people there, but perhaps from some inner insecurities.

Second, as my friend pointed out, we have all changed drastically since high school. Life has a great tendency to do that. I am certainly not the same person that I was twelve years ago and neither are they. Without a doubt, the power of the cliques and requisite High School USA groups has faded. We have all fallen into the world of approaching thirty, parenthood, and so forth. I do not reject this idea, nor think that I would find myself in a place with nothing in common with these people. There is the very real possibility that some new relationships might be spurred on and old friendships reignited.

In short, I apologize, especially to those who do look forward to such reunion experiences. I will most likely attend my reunion and will have a great time. I do hope to have some things to show for my life career-wise by that time but if not, oh well. Money is money. Things are things. I have the love of a wonderful wife, soon to be two children, and the Creator of the Universe. That's not too bad a resume to bring back home.

A Dixie Chick Diatribe...

So, unless you've been living under a rock for the past couple years, or, much like my soon to be four-year-old son, are more of a classic country fan (Johnny Cash, anyone?) and could care less, you're aware of the big splash that Dixie Chicks frontlady, Natalie Maines, made a few years ago when she spoke less than favorably of President Bush. Now, at the time, I was clearly at a different place in life and in my thinking. I sided, at the time mind you, with those who were more of a "What are you thinking?/Move to France if that's how you feel!" standpoint. That being said, here we are, a few years later, a little older and a little wiser.

Now, in hindsight, how do I feel about this statement that was made? I guess that I'd have to say that I defend Mrs. Gaines and her right to make that statement. Was it poor timing and perhaps a little rash? Sure. But who hasn't made such statements. I, I'm sure, offend people all the time, whether by what I write on here or through something I say in passing. It's certainly not intentional and is sometimes emotive and just kind of "shooting from the hip". Natalie could have used better wording and so on. But, the bottom line is this: I think she really does care about our county and the troops abroad. She feels the President has failed us in a few regards and due to some of his actions is not a big fan of his. She is not alone. There are numbers of folks within this country who are not real big fans of the Bush presidency. Can we point it all to one man? No, but he does stand as the figurehead and as such is going to catch the brunt of the jabs.

So, let's lighten up on the Dixie Chicks. We love this country and it's freedoms, so we say, but retaliate so strongly when someone says something we disagree with. Let's defend their right to freedom and choose our battles wisely on both sides. Maybe we should have been more upset over the gleeful disposal of "Earl" in their hit song than in a quip comment regarding our current president?

Da Vinci Thoughts...

So, Erin and I are taking this week off together so that we may have a little breather before little Peyton Brooke shows up here in another month and a half. So, we had a little bit of time on our hands and decided to go see this little film that premiered this past weekend called, The Da Vinci Code. You might have heard of it. Well, I'd read the book some time ago for multiple reasons. One reason was that I try to stay abreast of pop culture and when a book is number one on the bestseller list for as long as it had been, it was probably wise to check it out in order to be able to dialogue about it. Second, I was also aware that the book raised some marked questions regarding Christianity and Christ. I wanted to interact with it so that I could be honest in my discussion rather than one of those people who decry a book without having even turned it's pages.

The book was good. It was a riveting page turner, something of an Indiana Jones-type quest and adventure that kept me up late into the night to see how it ended. The movie was not quite as good but was pretty faithful to the story. The film suffered, at least in my opinion, largely to a stilted performance from Tom Hanks and some rough dialogue. Indiana Jones never had this much "blah blah blah" dialogue. Some may argue that the dialogue and expostion within the film is necessary but it lost my attention.

I disagree with Dan Brown's conclusions and theories. In all honesty, the greater majority of history does too. The Priory of Sion, the "sinister" Opus Dei, and many other concepts held as "fact" within Brown's work have been proven false and wanting. But, perhaps the most critical question to ask, and one asked by theologian and professor, Scot McKnight, as well, is this: Why are people so predisposed to believing the lie over the truth? Why is a conspiracy theory more compelling than the truth of history?

Some may argue that the divine issues surrounding the person of Christ are mere fictions themselves. Others may claim that power structures within the world lend themselves far more to the idea of conspiracy than the so called truth. I wonder if perhaps we who call ourselves Christians and followers of Christ are not more to blame than all of these. Certainly the concept of a resurrected Savior is a fantastical one to believe but I claim it nonetheless. However, perhaps what an unbelieving world finds most difficult to follow is how people who claim the name of Christ, who taught love, peace, and joy, could have so perverted the message as to engage in such atrocities as the Crusades, the Inquisition, and other such wars? Donald Miller in one of his books, I believe it was Searching for God Knows What, tells the story of setting up a confessional booth on the night of a huge party on his college campus with a few other Christians. People began to flock to the booth out of curiousity and were surprised to find that the confessional aspect was that the Christians sat and apologized for the atrocities committed by fellow believers in the name of Christ. We need to be an apologetic people as well as a proactive people.

I will add this, just to get my full two cents worth in. The other issue that lies at the heart of those willing to buy the Da Vinci mystique, which is alluded to at the end of the book and film, is the desire to see man as the ultimate divinity. This runs counter to the teachings of the Scriptures wholeheartedly. We are nothing on our own. It is through the work of Christ and His love within us that we can accomplish anything good. This is not an easy truth nor one that we particularly enjoy but it is true nonetheless. Man left to his own devices finds himself in a jam every time.

Reunion blues...

So just this past week I got a slew of emails piling up in my inbox alluding to the collusion of some of my former high school classmates and their persistence in pursuing a some-year reunion. Somebody already dropped the ball and what would have been our ten-year reunion came and went in 2004. So now here we are and people are talking about it.

I'm truly torn on the whole reunion concept and I'll share two reasons why. The first is quite honest but some might argue, superficial. The simple fact that I share with many people is this: If I was truly friends with those people I went to high school with, then I would have kept in touch with them! As it stands, I do have a few friends from those day of yore that I do keep in touch with. Two of them I'm bound to legally through marriage and a few others I've managed to keep tabs on through the wonder of the Internet. Anyone else, well, I'm just really, and I know this sounds pretty damn arrogant, not worried about. It's not that I think they're bad people. It's that I realize and have come to grips that life does go on and that our lives are sometimes intertwined for a season and then moved along by the hand of God. We're thankful, so thankful, for those seasons but in many cases really don't want or need to revisit them either.

My second reason, and this is a rather honest and painful one, is that I'm not sure I wish to go because of prideful reasons. I've crammed four simple years of college into twelve. I've done all sorts of stuff but, at least in some ways, nothing with much lasting effect. I have no six figure income, luxurious home, or even some fancy pants new car, although my new car is pretty sweet to me! I guess that part of me really doesn't want to see all of these people I grew up with, all of us in our formative states, cliques and all, all of us dreamers, and come with no dream fulfilled. It's not that I've not done anything. I have served as a youth pastor for a time. I have, albeit later and longer than most, finished college (I'm assuming that I am going to pass my final two courses!). I have married a lovely young woman and had the privelege of being a father to a great son and am awaiting the same opportunity with our baby girl. I guess it really is a pride issue. I just want to enter into the area with the air of having accomplished something, of having done something with my life. Some days I just wonder what that is.

Something to Smile About During Playoff Time...

Okay, I'm going to blog something more substantial later on today, at least that's my goal, but I ran across this on Marko's blog earlier and just wanted to share. It is playoff time anyway, and therefore totally appropriate. As Mark said, it'll definately make you smile!

Check it out!

A Little Food for Thought...

Just yesterday I started reading this book I'd picked up a few months ago called, Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser. It deals with the whole impact of the fast food industry and it's implications upon our economy, political structures, physical health and well-being, and just about every other angle. Almost borrowing from quantum physics and chaos theory, Eric makes a good point that things are a lot more interrelated than we give them credit for. Anyway, I'm just a bit into the book but thought I'd share a couple quick quotes with you that I liked.

"The impact of McDonald's on the way we live today is hard to overstate. The Golden Arches are now more widely recognized than the Christian cross."

"'We have found out...that we cannot trust some people who are noncomformists,' declared Ray Kroc, one of the founders of McDonald's, angered by some of his franchisees. 'We will make conformists out of them in a hurry...The organization cannot trust the individual; the individual must trust the organization'."

Speaking of Harland Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken: "...Sanders described his ups and downs, his decision at the age of seventy-four to be rebaptized and born again, his lifelong struggle to stop cursing. Despite his best efforts and a devout faith in Christ, Harland Sanders admitted that it was still awfully hard "not to call a no-good, lazy, incompetent, dishonest s.o.b. by anything else but his rightful name."

Wrestling with Responsibility...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've come to grips with the fact that Uncle Ben was right, with great power comes great responsibility. In our world, power is not necessarily the ability to spin webs out of our wrists or to climb walls with our bare hands while wearing a skin-tight lycra suit but is rather, at least in some degree, an understanding or a grasp of knowledge as it comes our way. How can we bear witness to horrors of our world, both domestic and foreign, and not stand up in some way? How can those of us who call ourselves Christian do so even more, especially as we believe that we have in our hands and hearts the very antidote to all that ails this world? How can we see the AIDS crisis raging in Africa and stand idly by? How can we hear of the atrocities being done in Darfur and turn away from our television screens back to our prepackaged meals? We cannot. There is something to an exposure to suffering, to an exposure to truth, to an exposure to life, that almost holds one accountable to act. It's as though we have no choice. Whether it is an idea of deepening our spiritual journey, or of reaching out to help the fringe and marginal, the homeless and the hurting, the prostitute and the pusher, we must feel the compulsion to go. We cannot sit idly by. The only question that remains is, where do we start?

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I remember being in high school when Rodney King was beaten up. I remember seeing the footage of the policemen beating him, pounding his flesh. I remember the tape of his simple statement, "Why can't we all just get along?". I wonder the same, Rodney. I wonder the same.

I've just spent the past few minutes clicking through a few blogs, reading up and catching up on some things I like to keep track of. The problem is, I found myself going back and deleting many of those blogs from my lists. I guess I'm just tired of the fighting. I'm tired of all the fighting we do within rather than reaching out to those in need. I'm tired of finding myself more conflicted over non-essential doctrinal bullcrap than in our not acknowledging the pain of the world around us.

Additionally, I'm tired of a world that promotes celebrity as the ultimate distraction. I'm tired of hearing about Lindsay and Paris and Jessica and whatever the next starlet might be 24/7. I'm tired of celebrity news and entertainment television shows dominating our minds, our periodicals, and our airwaves when just down our neighborhood streets, someone is starving. Across the ocean, hundreds of thousands are starving. AIDS plagues the continent of Africa and we instead find ourselves oohing and aahing at the newest celebrity baby.

Something is wrong. We as Christians and we as simply human beings need to get our heads out of the arguments and into the real fight going on around us. I'm not suggesting that we reject truth, for I do believe in truth, but am rather suggesting that we live truth! We must engage this world. Our engagement must be more than hot air. We need to get our hands dirty. I need to get my hands dirty...

Idle words...

I found myself this past week or so reflecting upon the care that we must give to our words and the things we say. While that might seem like a very obvious, very general statement, it is still nonetheless true. What I am addressing most pointedly is the simple statements that we often use to provide advice, comfort, or, at least in our minds, help someone through a difficult time.

It seems those of us in the Christian world tend to struggle with what to say when bad times come into people's lives. We're not entirely sure how to respond and often end up with a hastily muttered, "Pray about it". This is not bad advice. In fact, I think it's great advice. The problem however, is that while it shares a good principle, it doesn't necessarily get heard due to the situation that is booming overhead.

Case in point: Just this past week my wife met up with an old friend of ours whom she hadn't touched base with in a while. This friend goes way back with us to an old church we used to attend and so forth, has married another friend of ours, and they have a quiver of kids and whatnot. Over the years, financial situations and more have sort of placed a bit of a block between the couple and while they profess to love one another, things are not as they should be. Without going into detail, it's just not a good thing. Well, this friend of ours went to see her pastor for help, for advice, for encouragement, for anything that would help. The pastor's counsel? Pray about it. Not, "Hey, let's get you guys in here and talk some of this out". Not, "Hey, let's get you guys in here and let's pray about this together". Nope. Pray about it. It's good advice but somewhere along the lines the challenge of Jesus to us to "speak the truth in love" has been forgotten.

As I shared with some friends after I'd been on the receiving end of such a time, sometimes we just need to hear something more along the lines of "that sucks" rather than what is truly obvious to us. The truth must be administered in such a way that it comes across as real, as something you've tasted, rather than something you've read.

Random thought...

Have you ever had so much on your mind, so much that you wanted to put down in print, that you just couldn't at the moment? Like, you needed to process some of it before you could even think about trying to articulate it? Welcome to my world...More to come...

Walls are starting to crumble...

I find myself as of late, really tired. It's not just a physical tired although that is certainly a factor. But, there's something within me crying out for rest, for peace, for a few moments of quietude so that I may simply, and I know this sounds a bit Zen, be. I just need to stop, breathe, not speak, and listen. The problem I'm finding with a lot of this is that I am so enamored, whether consciously or unconsciously, with being busy. I am afraid of the silence. I am afraid of what, or maybe more appropriately put, who I'll find there. I'm learning more and more about myself and what I continue to find is both intriguing and frightening. I realize my infinite weakness and am overwhelmed with the utter poverty of my spirit. The sheer vulnerability that lurks beneath the surface is frightening. I find pain, anger, bitterness, hope, fear, and more. I'm not really sure what to do with it just yet but I guess throwing it out there is a start.

I Just Want to Help...

So this past Easter Sunday my wife and I attended church. We had not been in a while and it's been difficult on her. So, at her behest, we went to the third service of a church that we had visited for some time during our exodus. It was an okay service, and I tried to keep my focus on God more than anything else. The message was topical and predictably evangelistic. That's not necessarily a bad thing but, in all honesty, that's just this church's MO. There's not a whole lot of meat to what they do that I've experienced yet. And, well, at least their music was good. They have a very talented worship band and are pretty up to date on all of the new Passion songs so that was good. But, I realize that those things are not what is important. The key is whether or not I brought my full worship to God.

I brought what I could. I did become more mindful of things within me as the service wore on however. I became aware of how hurt I have really been by some church folk. I've sort of brushed off the bitter/hurt moniker in the past but now it's one that I seem compelled to accept for the time being. Between my own experiential time in church growing up as well as serving in one professionally to my learning time in college, I've seemingly created a world with more problems than solutions. I agonize over the pain I've experienced and unconsciously find myself demonizing others in the church for those same things. Not all people have the mindsets that I've dealt with. In fact, I honestly believe that many are well-meaning and well-intentioned. They feel that they are doing what is right, what it is that Christ calls us to. I cannot judge their heart in that but, I suppose, in some ways I do.

I guess what I'm crying out here is that I just want to help. I need help. I don't want to continue to criticize and deconstruct. There is a place for that but I feel as though I've stayed in that place long enough. Now, it's time to be constructive, taking what I've learned, even through pain, and work toward renewing the church, work toward teaching, helping, sharing, and caring. But I've got to overcome this hurt first...this distrust first...

Let's Help 'em Out...

I had heard about this a week or so ago but this morning listened to the xxxchurch podcast and found out how ridiculous this had become and thought I'd try to inform the three people who check this out on occasion. Because I couldn't garner a good link to their site, I'm going to just post the article here. How crazy has the Christian world become?! Let's consider helping the fellas out!

Here's the article:

We have been doing ministry for several years now and have had a great outreach at the porn shows. On three different occasions, we have given away Bibles for free at porn shows. Much to our surprise, they were well received. Since we are on a tight budget here at XXXchurch.com, we always try and get the best deal we can... which means the Bible covers are usually less than cool. After the last show in Las Vegas, where we gave away 1000 bibles, I looked into getting custom bibles printed that would match the whole look of our booth. We have a 10-foot backdrop, postcards, stickers, and T-shirts that all have ?Jesus Loves Porn Stars? design. The new Bible cover art was an attempt to customize that image and message with the powerful word of God. The cooler the cover, the more separated from all the trash someone gets at a porn show, the more likely it gets picked up and read.
I contacted the American Bible Society and had made arrangements months ago to order 10,000 bibles. We have 3 porn shows coming up (Erotica LA, June. Gay Erotica NY, October. AVN Expo Las Vegas, January.) The cost was over $7,000 but in our opinion it was money well spent. They printed the Bibles prior to getting our cover artwork. Two weeks ago, we sent over the cover art and all hell broke loose.
Long story short?they have refunded all of our money and have refused to print the Bibles. They have told us that this goes against everything the Bible stands for and they don?t want anyone to think that Jesus is okay with porn. We think they are wrong. We think this goes with the central message of the gospel and Jesus loves you regardless of your profession.
Once again, this is not about shock tactics, this is about trying to get the word of God to places most say would be impossible but we have found a way to do it. Not printing the Bibles hinders the gospel of Christ from going forth and that bothers us.We will get these Bibles printed. Someone will step up and help us. No doubt that will happen.
LA TIMES STORY The La Times has run the story about this. It is a great piece and hopefully will help us find a publisher. Check out the article by clicking here!
HELP SUPPORT THE JLPS BIBLE CAMPAIGN

BUY A TEE SHIRT -We have had numerous requests for the Jesus Loves Porn Stars T-shirts. They are available by clicking here!
SPONSOR BIBLES -If you would like to help us get these Bibles out to the people at the porn shows, we are taking $20 donations. For that $20 we will guarantee that the Bibles will be handed out at one of the three upcoming porn shows we will be attending over the next 9 months. We will send you one Bible (once we get them printed) and give away another 20 for every $20 that you donate. ORDER A BIBLE NOW!
Or to make a Donation CLICK HERE!
More To Come...
Craig
Media: All press and media inquiries should contact john@plugpublicity.com or info@plugpublicity.com or call 330-998-9888.

More Work to be Done...

I ran across this great article by Brent Bourgeois, over on the Burnside Writer's Collective site today and thought I'd share it with you. Thank God for forward thinkers like this! May He send us more!

The Christian Bookstore

A Rambling Confession...

So last night in class we were discussing the interview process. It's a ministry development course and wisely the professor decided to cover this topic. Well, as he was discussing it, he addressed one of the key points that we must take into consideration as an interviewer, namely that we must be aware of our prejudices and our own preconceived notions. Hmmm...Sounds strikingly familiar.

The truth is that this is something I've sort of been working through within myself. As I've developed what I'd define as a quieter life, although not as quite as I am hoping to attain, this is one of the things that I've been forced to face. What are my prejudices right now? Where are these ideas that flood me coming from? Am I aware, as De Mello might write? And, the answer is: sort of.

One of the things that I'm becoming more and more aware of, and this is a difficult thing to write, is that I'm growing bitter and angry with my fellow Christians. Having been submerged in the Christian subculture for so long and then coming to look around with new eyes, so to speak, has left within me an anger and a bitterness. This is not necessarily a good thing. I am called to love these people, for, in all reality, they are part of my family. Yet, I see my family treating others poorly, demanding more of others than is reasonable, and spending more time fighting amongst themselves than in simply loving others. This ought not to be. Another factor within it is that as I look back upon my time in churches and such, I mainly remember pain. Eventually, each experience within a church has led to some sort of pain. I suppose this is to be expected, but one tends to hold "church folk" in a higher regard. This is unreasonable, for we are all people, but it is still an emotional reality for me right now.

I'm not sure what the solution is here. Some days I want to run so far away and never look back. But something within reminds me that I cannot do that, for to do that would be the most unChristlike thing I could do. Other days I just want to scream, "Wake up!", at the top of my lungs, hoping that they will. Then on other days I'm simply reminded of my own depravity and am led to the feet of Christ where I simply wait in His Presence. I hope that's what today brings, a day in His Presence.

So stinkin' cool...

Okay, can you tell my car is broken down today? Here's another great link that I ran across on Ebaum's World!

Star Wars Duel!

I'm seriously envious!

This is great...

I ran across this on Marko's blog and just found it great! It combines two of my most favorite pop culture icons, the Muppets and the Matrix! Check it out!

The Muppet Matrix!

Facing the Facts...

Earlier this week, through an indirect means of sharing, someone challenged me with the idea that we should still endeavor to be called "Christians". If I understand where they're coming from, they are essentially asserting the old idea, and a valid one, that we are not to be ashamed of the name of Christ. The comment was made that they still desire to be a "Little Christ".

Well, I do too. But....

Yeah, there's always a "but", it seems. Here's the thing though. I love Jesus. Yup, I do. No, I don't have a bumper sticker that says it and never will so help me God. No, I don't have a t-shirt that says that either. My problem is that the name, the label, the moniker we're used to referring to ourselves as, "Christian", has been hijacked. For someone to refer to themselves as a Christian now no longer holds the same meaning as it once has. It no longer means, "Little Christ".

Instead, the term "Christian" has been twisted. To other nationalities, the term "Christian" simply refers to Americans. Many Americans simply refer to themselves as "Christians", but in the same way that they refer to their own nationality. That's what they are, they'll say. The term "Christian" now carries with it the overtones of colonialism, captialism, Republicanism (a word I just created), materialism, immoralism, and, some might say, is bordering on carrying the banner of imperialism as well. This is not the label I want attached to me that I hold onto as a symbol of my faith.

Emergent poster child and author, speaker, and former pastor, Brian McLaren, writes in his book, A Generous Orthodoxy, in a chapter entitled, "Would Jesus Be A Christian?":

"...I'd like to indulge in some critical and mabe even cynical thinking expressed in statements like these:

1.) The more I study the Bible and reflect on the life and teachings of Jesus, the more I think most of Christianity as practiced today has very little to do with the real Jesus found there.

2.) Often I don't think Jesus would be caught dead as a Christian, were he physically here today.

3.) Generally, I don't think Christians would like Jesus if he showed up today as he did 2,000 years ago. In fact, I think we'd call him a heretic and plot to kill him too."

They are very harsh statements but they reflect something that I feel too, namely that we've lost sight of Jesus. As we've done so, we've allowed our own ideas, our own selfish idealogies to step in and formulate our ways of life, and in the process, invade our theologies. Rather than our careful study and exegesis of the Bible developing our theologies, we've instead read into the text what we hope to see. And in so doing, we've created an organization, a religion, that seems, in some ways, to profane the name of the One it claims to serve.

So, I propose that we come up with something new. A new friend has proposed that perhaps we can be simple and be "Christ-followers". Maybe we need something more articulate. I don't know what it should be. The one thing I do know is that we stand in critical need of change, of repentance, and of grace and mercy, myself fully included in that.

Just so tired...

This has just been one of the longest weeks in a long, long time. It all began with last weekend and a lot of running around that I had to do, meeting with friends here, time with some other people here, work and a trip to the Abbey here. Then, of course, there's all of the real life stuff that just comes part and parcel with the deal, hubby-wife relationships, playing Lincoln Logs with Tyler, work, work, work, school, and all of that stuff. I've also had to be away from home for a few nights with my Dad's birthday and a concert we went to last night as well. It's just all taken it's toll on me.

But, it's also been a good week for me. The whole article thing has been a great learning experience for me. I'll admit that I'm still learning to deal with criticism, especially some of the more pointed and personal critiques of my work but, as time goes by, my skin seems to be thickening a bit. In fact, I'm just itching to have some time to sit down and start into work on some other things that have been stewing in my mind for a while. Who knows? Maybe I'll get another one "published".

One thing that has been such a wonderful thing for me this week though is my family. It's been such a joy to come home, no matter what time, and just be able to settle into to family life. My wife, my beautiful wife, is such a wonderful woman who keeps me grounded and walking the line. In addition to that, she also reminds me that I'm loved and that she loves me. That means so much.

Talking church...

Last weekend, as I'd mentioned in a previous post, I was fortunate enough to travel to St. Leo's Abbey here in the Tampa Bay area to attend their monthly oblate meeting. I'd been talking with my parents that morning but had selectively chosen to share that I was going to Tampa for a meeting of some like-minded people to discuss Christ. My reasoning for that was simple. My parents are good, old-fashioned, and kind people. They raised me in an independent Baptist church, which they no longer attend. As a matter of fact, they no longer attend a church of any kind. Why? I'm not entirely sure. But, the thing that kept me the most from sharing this was that my mother was converted from Catholicism and much of my upbringing recalls hearing the dangers of the Catholic Church.

Well, last night I was over at their house since it was my Dad's sixty-first birthday and I wanted to spend some time with him. The discussion flowed here and there, came around my little article which is finally losing steam and which I'd sent them a link to just because I knew they'd like to see me "in print", and centered on some areas of spirituality. We discussed topics of church and the failures we see in it. We discussed our theologies of salvation and judgment and all sorts of stuff. Eventually, I felt led to share where I'd gone on Sunday.

It was weird. I'm not entirely sure how they took it. On some level, I think it was okay with them. On another, there was a lot of silence. It's funny how little my Mom really did seem to learn in the Catholic Church, which I realize is one of the chief objections some have toward it. I don't know. I'm glad I shared it with them. It wasn't some big secret but I really wasn't up for the whole "heretic" discussion either, not that they would have leveled that claim at me as others might.

By the way, for some who might be reading this and getting to know me for the first time, I'm not a heretic. In fact, most of my views are quite orthodox. I do, however, realize, in humility, that I do not have it all figured out. I also realize that God, as big and as sovereign as He truly is, knows what He's doing as He leads and guides all of us. And I do believe that He is working in each of our lives, whether we're aware of it or not.

Can't rain all the time...

So today was an interesting day. This morning I checked on the status of my article just to see what sort of comments had been left regarding it. RELEVANT has a feature wherein readers can post a quick comment or two regarding the article they've read. It's a cool feature, at least sometimes. So, I checked it out today. A couple of times. Most of what I had to read were positive comments. One guy and I seem to have a lot in common and are now checking each other's blogs out as well.

Well, I had to go to work because, sadly, I am not independently wealthy and upon returning home, thought I'd check one more time and also check my e-mail. Yes, to answer your question, I'm a little excited and a bit anal in regards to my first "published" work being there for the whole world to see! But, so I checked. Hmmm... Seems to me that I just had my convictions questioned there... What's this? Now I'm digging another hole by accomodating culture. Oh man. Crap.

And then I checked my mail. I had a crazy long e-mail from, what I perceive to be a well-meaing pastor who just really, really, really disagreed with me. And, well, that's cool. It's fine that he disagreed. Who knows? In five years, maybe I'll disagree with it too. But what concerned me was that at the beginning of the email he chose to state that he couldn't judge my conscience and therefore my salvation. That's cool. He's right. He can't. Yet toward the end of the email, after explaining, at least to some degree, his point of view on the subject of our engagment of culture, he proceeded to more or less question my salvation and call into question my conscience. Interesting.

One thing I have to remember is something that a new friend shared as I reentered this world of writing. She said that I have to remember that when people critique my work or dislike it that it's not me they're criticizing. I am not my writing. But, let me tell you, it still stings sometimes.

A New Experience...

So, yesterday, I entered into a whole new world. For some time I've been interested in the world of monastic spirituality and have spent some time researching and studying various aspects of it. Even within this blog you'll find references to guys like Merton, Nouwen, and most recently, De Mello. I find their approach refreshing, honest, and intriguing. So, my mentor friend and I have done some hunting and found a monastery nearby that offers an oblate program. He went up and checked things out last month and this month I decided to tag along.

Okay, let me just say that it was a bit of a culture shock. Please remember and know that I was born and raised in an independent Baptist setting where the Catholic Church was giving birth to the Anti-Christ, perhaps even as we sat there discussing it. So, as we walked onto the grounds, wandered around, and eventually entered into the church for noon prayers, I felt as though I had the scarlet "P" on my chest: Protestant!. I asked my friend if there were any things I needed to know before entering and he shook his head no. Well, he was sort of right. But I did feel a little behind trying to follow all of the responsive sayings and knowing when to stand and sit.

But, all culture shock aside, there was a great sense of peace and reverence within the sanctuary. I sat there as we read through a portion of the Psalms, hearing the Word of God wash over us, engaging it, and looking up at the huge crucifix upon the wall. Surrounding us on all sides were stained glass windows, one tier bearing the images of saints, the second tier bearing the images of the stations of the cross. The sense of worship, that something important was taking place, was very tangible in the air. It almost let me forget that I was in new waters.

After the prayers, we had a time of lunch and then entered into the oblate classes/discussion led by a really cool priest, Father Isaac. By far, with only one exception, I was the youngest among a sea of gray. But, everyone was very kind and accepting. The discussion was interesting, challenging, and frustrating at times. It was compelling to see how some would engage the discussion without considering the calls of Scripture first. In seeking out a spiritual life and a way of humility, it would seem as though we would begin there. Although some did not.

All in all, it was a rewarding experience. I still have to process some more of it but I think I'll be back next month.

Tooting my horn...

Okay, I've got to toot my horn just a bit! Since I've started writing again, I thought I'd submit an article to a website that I really like, Relevant. Well, they used my article and it's up on the site now for a little while! Yay!

Check it out here: Deflating Dogma

I always feel like somebody's watching me...

I realized this morning, as I finished my morning devotions and reading and took a moment or two to reflect upon what I'd learned and where I'm at today that I am living in fear of something. I'm not entirely sure that I knew that I was living in that fear but, well, now I'm pretty confident of it. And the good thing is that now that I'm aware of it, I can now acknowledge it, examine it, turning it around and exploring it's unique facets like those of a prism in the light.

So, what is it that I'm afraid of, you ask? I think, to some degree anyway, that I live with a subtle fear lurking beneath the surface, of my past. Now, some who have known me, or at the very least think they do, will protest that my "past" is not all that colorful at all, that there's really nothing other than a bad ride 'round the "Small World" ride at Disney to haunt me. Others maybe who have seen darker sides of me are shaking their heads and nodding to themselves, thinking, "Be afraid. Be very afraid." Ultimately, I know me, at least I am learning me and understand that there are some things within, and some things I've allowed without in both the distant and recent past, that are less than flattering and even more so, just disturbing. So, I struggle with those thoughts, those images, those ideas that clamor for attention.

Why am I so afraid of that which is already done? Part of my struggle I think comes as I wrestle to overcome the image of God that I held and was taught from varying sources for so long. It was never explained explicitly to me that God was a universal enforcer just waiting for us to screw up so He could knock us into oblivion. But, somehow, through the course of my upbringing, that image had implanted itself upon my mind. Now, as I have wrestled with that, discovered truth apart from that, I still struggle with that image that is imprinted upon my mind. I'm not sure what the solution is in regards to erasing that image. However, I think I've decided that I'm going to paint over that dark spot with some bright paint that I've found in recent years that declares the true love, the true glory, of the one called Christ. In those bright colors, we'll cover up the past and begin anew.

How Do I Identify Myself? Part 1?

Okay, so I said that I'd tackle some questions and there's really no time like the present. And, if you're going to tackle something like that, why not start big? So, my question of the day(s) is: How do I identify myself? De Mello makes the case pretty profoundly that we spend far too much of our time associating who we are with outside influences. Essentially, we find our worth in attachments, in things of this world. So, here's my chance to come clean, how do I identify myself?

Well, if asked that question, as it seems I have been, I'd have to say that first I'm a seeker. I'm someone who is in pursuit of Truth, and that Truth I believe is found in the person of Jesus Christ, therefore I would most likely identify myself as a Christian. (I must say, however, that the term "Christian" has become more and more perverted every day and that I'd really love for someone to come up with a better alternative! I'm not particularly proud of being lumped in with fellas like Robertson and Falwell, knowwhatImean?) Anyway, from there I would associate myself with the roles I play as a husband, a father, and an employee. I would also throw student into the batch as well. Perhaps I might add athlete, son, and taxpayer as well.

So, there we have it. There are the ways that I can potentially identify myself. But is there more that I do, perhaps unconsciously, in order to identify myself? What about the way I dress? Or the music I listen to? Or the way that I deal with people? Is there some sense of identification in that as well? I suppose that there is. I don't wear flannel shirts, a mesh cap, work boots and such because, well, I'm not my father. Instead, I opt for a t-shirt, jeans, and sandals as much as I can. But, if I'm very honest, I think that in some ways that fashion statement I make (or lack-of-fashion statement, my wife might assert) makes me cool. The cool vintage tee, the sandals, the comfy jeans...There's something about that which I think makes me cool in someone's eyes.

Okay, gotta take a little break before my head explodes...more later...

Questions and mumblings...

So I've been sitting here the past couple of weeks since my family has returned home and have been a bit lax in writing, blog or otherwise. It's not that I haven't had thoughts and ideas but that time has been less than available. On top of that, the time that is available, sucks. But, here I am, a busy boy on a cool Saturday afternoon, sitting in our dark bedroom typing out some random thoughts because I just felt the need.

Anyway, I'm thinking that, for the zero of you who read this blog, and more importantly, for my perusal later on, that I might start engaging some questions point blank on here. Some of the questions which I intend to engage will be philosophical in nature. Others will deal directly with the world we live in. Others, only God knows where they'll come from and what they'll deal with. It's an idea I've garnered from this book I've been reading by Anthony De Mello, called Awareness. In it, he discusses a lot of things along the path to "waking up", and among them is the mystical art of self-examination.

So, that's it for now. I think I'm going to go shut down my brain for a while. Have a good one.

So Lonesome I Could Cry...

Erin and Tyler are gone for a week or so and now, Saturday night, I'm really starting to miss them. I stand up to go get something and find myself restless, unsure of what to do. When they're around it always seems as though there's more of a plan, a goal. Tyler has to be put to bed, the dishes need to be done, Erin and I need to talk some things out. All that sort of stuff is missing when it's just me here on my lonesome. Sure, I've had some time to just breathe and this morning I slept into like 8:30, a watershed moment for me, especially since the advent of children in our lives. And yes, I've had some time to actually start writing again which is both a freeing and frightening process. But, still, all in all, I miss them. I ran across some pictures as I was cleaning today (yes, I was that out of it!) of Tyler and Erin and just sat mesmerized by how much I love them.

I forget how much I love them sometimes and that pains me. It's usually in those moments that I'm the biggest asshole on the planet, that I forget what truly matters. This week, however, has reminded me that I must not only see them as wife and son, but as Jesus and Christ. I must respond to them, respect them, and love them as I do Him. That's a daunting task but when I view it in that light, it definately changes things around a bit.

The Juices are Flowing...

So last night I finally sat down at this very keyboard and monitor and started to write again. At first, it was a little stunted, a little unnatural. But, then, slowly, the words began to flow and my fingers slid effortlessly around the keyboard, strumming out the quiet tale of my life. It was so liberating and, well, it just felt right. I've avoided writing for so long. Part of me is so afraid of what I'm truly going to be called to write, of the honesty and vulnerability that my writing is going to entail. The other side of me is just plain scared of rejection, of submitting a piece only to have it picked apart by a hardened editor who scoffs at my use of punctuation and insists that I not use so many run-on sentences because that's just bad grammar and sentence structure! I don't know. Either way, as epic as it sounds, I feel the call. And I must respond. Hope someone else acknowledges it and will buy this stuff....

So, so sorry...

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can't take it anymore. I can't deal with it anymore. These demons torment me. They tear at me, at the very fabric of my being, it seems and I just can't think straight. I hurt, and I hurt others. The path is futile and I stand outside of it and watch it all take form, molding itself into it's evil incarnation as I, as though in an out of body experience, feel powerless to stop it. It's as though I'm controlled from somewhere else. I lay it down now. I can't carry the damn burden any longer. It's yours. Do what you will with it. Do what you will with me. If you want to use me, use me. If you don't, that's fine too. It's all yours now. Just give me peace.

Knocking on heaven's door...

The other day I found myself detained at work at running later than usual getting home. By the time I got out, the day had turned ugly, as night fell dark clouds had crept across the sky, lightning lashing out, and rain intermittenly fell. I drove down the dark streets, spray leaping onto the windshield mingling with the fresh drops that began to fall once again. The wind blew strong, causing my car to groan against the attack. I found myself stopped at a traffic light, one I'm very familiar with, and glanced over at one of my favorite sites along the route.

The "site", as such, is St. Martha's Catholic Church. I've written about it here so will not enter into great detail here again for the beauty of this sanctuary was not what caught my eye this time. For, this time, no light glowed through the majestic stained glass, illuminating the dark streets outside. No light emanated from the building at all. Then, my eye caught site of what, in my mind, was a profound sight.

Huddled in a dark alcove stood a homeless man, shoulders hunched in against the rain and wind. His belongings lay huddled at his feet in a plastic bag and he pressed into what brief shelter the small overhang of the church provided him. What struck me was that the door was locked and he could not enter in. Wow.

I thought about this as I drove on and wondered if maybe, just maybe, this is how the church is perceived anymore. Or maybe, just maybe, this is what the church has become. No longer do we embrace the fringe and marginal but instead praise those who offer us wealth, prestige, and fame. The humble is no longer welcome, the outcast no longer accepted. Instead, we seek out those with "gifts", those with power, and those with beauty.

What a tragedy! We must learn to see the beauty in the broken, the face of God in the misfit. The orphan must become our child and the homeless must become our guest.

Lord, help me, cleanse me, and purify me. Draw me closer to You and enable me to see the outcast, the marginal, the fringe, for who they really are, people you love who bear within them the capacity to reflect Your glory!