The Hulk Within

This has been an interesting day. It's been one of those days where it feels like the weight of the world has decided to take a break upon your shoulders. I can't really explain why but as I've had more and more time (it was a REALLY long day) to sort of reflect, I've noticed one thing about myself. Now, I'm sure that this is true of most people and whatnot but today I truly latched onto it as my own. Here's the big realization: When I get tired, it affects all of me.

Now this sounds simple in principle and I'm surely not the only one who reacts this way, but I've just really noticed, perhaps more and more, that as my fatigue level rises, I begin to struggle in more aspects than just being sleepy. My spiritual discernment and strength wane. My temper flares. My patience level, normally pretty strong, slides straight into the trash can. I know that I can't be the only one.

This particular point of fatigue has come, by and large, courtesy of my darling children Tyler and Peyton. If you scroll down here and there, you'll see some darling pics of these super kids. But, rest assured, pictures can lie. They're great kids but, well, some days, they can be a bit taxing on old Dad. And recently, Peyton has been having a few issues with sleeping through the night. So, that makes virtually a year with us alternating with getting up every freakin' night, sometimes more than once. On top of that, our slightly ADHD boy has just been trying to push some buttons, testing the waters. We've tried just about every discipline point that we know, some which work and others with lesser results, and it has just left me tired.

On top of that physical and emotional fatigue, I've also found myself pushed for time. Celena and I have spent a fair amount of time gabbing about our search for balance over at the "conversation" and this continues to be a struggle as I wrestle with trying to be a Dad, be a husband, be a son-in-law, an employee, and, most difficultly, a writer. I've had the most difficult trouble carving out space for me. To me, that feels like a very selfish statement to write, and perhaps it is, but I just need that bit of personal time, particuarly for writing. I am driven more and more to write but it's very difficult to establish a rhythm with the flow of these kids and life in general.

It largely ends up having me feel like Bruce Banner, just waiting for The Hulk to emerge. I'm a fairly mild-mannered guy, but the pressure edges in sometimes and I'm just trying to do my best to keep the green guy under wraps. Say a prayer for me if you would...