This I Can Get Behind...

We all know that I've had my issues in recent years with the church and elements of the faithful but, in all honesty, this is a message I can stand behind:



My wife's response? "He's insane." Pray for me...

Gotta Love Groucho

Just a great quote I stumbled upon today:

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." - Groucho Marx

So true, so true...

Running Through My Mind

This song has been running through my mind lately, giving me pause for thought. It's from Switchfoot, entitled "This Is Your Life."

"yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
this is your life and today is all you've got now
yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
and you had everything to lose"

Good question....

Disappointed and Ashamed

Those are the two emotions I've been keeping under wraps here today after some revelations yesterday. Erin and I had the chance to spend a few hours together, grabbing some dinner at the always fabulous El Adobe and then swinging by Best Buy for me to pick up the previously mentioned David Cook album. While at the Best Buy, we happened upon the display for the Playstation 3. I grabbed Erin and let her know that I would really like to get one for Tyler for Christmas to which she emphatically replied, "We just can't afford it!"

Now, I'm not going to lie; my disappointment wasn't all for my boy. I too enjoy a video game then and again as I simple stress reliever myself. And quite frankly, as one who has watched the games evolve from the Atari 2600 (Pitfall, anyone?) to the uber-realistic graphics and gameplay of today, I'm in awe of these machines. Plus, they're a Blu-Ray DVD player as well which, in my opinion, sets us up for the next big purchase in a flat-panel TV. But, in further honesty, video games have provided Tyler and I a way to bond and spend some good time together. We've tackled Storm Troopers together, found the Lost Ark of the Covenant together, and have even boxed one another a time or two. Of course, that's before the Playstation 2 broke. Twice. And since then, we've just been waiting. And waiting. And hoping.

Now that's the disappointment part of our show. The ashamed emotions come from the fact that I'm allowing myself to get even the slightest bit bummed about our not being able to procure some potentially overpriced toy for my son and I while others are just thankful to be getting a meal, hot or cold, during this holiday season. This morning I was greeted with the local news which pontificated over the poor economy, the rising homeless rate, and the plight of the everyday citizen to just make ends meet. And I was ashamed.

I was ashamed because I am blessed. I'm eating steak and corn and rice for dinner tonight, the ingredients of which I bought fresh from a local grocery store with money we earned from our jobs. Tonight we'll sleep in warm, comfortable beds after tucking our healthy children into their warm beds. Tomorrow we'll rise and drive to work in our cars which run, which are full of gas, which will convey us to our jobs which we're more than fortunate to have. It's so easy to forget the blessings we have. And it's not that it's wrong to want things or to desire some material possession but when we look around, it just reminds of us how much we DO have.

So do I still want a Playstation 3? Sure I do. But will I lose sleep over it? Not this Christmas. I really want to focus on the things that are important and truly remember the blessings I have.

Don't Judge Me...

...because I just picked up the new David Cook album and am three songs in and still like it....

Just don't judge me!

It Can't Rain All the Time

Every now and then, there is a silver lining, even in a crappy week like this has been...

Tonight, on The Office, Toby's back! Woo hoo!

200 B.P.M.'s

A week or so ago my wife and I had the chance to sit down and watch the latest Incredible Hulk movie. I've always been a fan of the Hulk, from reading the comic books to watching the old school television show with Lou Ferrigno and Bill Bixby. I will admit that the Ang Lee adaption of the franchise left me wanting, really wanting. But as we watched the latest featuring Edward Norton, one of the more underrated actors in my opinion, I found myself pleased as I munched my popcorn.

I think the thing that has always intrigued me about the Hulk is the ongoing battle between Dr. Banner and his alter-ego. Banner is constantly warring within himself, recalling truths a certain apostle seemed to pen nearly 2000 years ago. That's a battle that I'm more than familiar with and the over the top comic book rendering of it simply hits home for me.

Lately it's hit home more than I like. I'm generally a pretty even-keel kind of guy, patient to a fault, some might say. But in more recent weeks, that's been far from the truth. While I've still maintained some sense of decorum, I find my inner workings struggling against outside influences. It's as though outside stimuli, noises, kids, idiot drivers, and more are all working doubletime to get under my skin. And it's working, and I find myself, like Banner, watching my heart rate rise and rise, approaching that 200 b.p.m. danger zone.

Okay, so I'm not sure if I'm really having my heart pump that hard but the bottom line is that I'm just struggling with maintaining my sanity amongst all this stuff as of late. Normally, I can just shrug things off or just, and this is great, stuff it deep inside until I can let it out in sports or some other venue like WRITING IN ALL CAPS. But it's like a filters been removed and I just can't let it slide, can't shove it down; it's almost as though I'm trying to stuff the trash down into the can and it just won't take any more.

I'm not sure what's going on, and, yes Mom, I am praying about it, but for now, don't make me angry. Trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

So I'm Pretty Proud...

In the giant gap between my blogging history, my amazing wife decided that she was going to walk for the cure, the cure for breast cancer, that is. So, for the better part of this year, she's been training with her group called "Walking in Sunshine." They're one of the more prominent 3-Day groups in the Tampa Bay area and really provided a wonderful experience and friendship for Erin. They trained primarily each weekend, beginning with some smaller distances building to distances along the lines of 18 miles or so toward the end. It was some serious training.

On top of that, the walkers had to raise $2200 each just to walk. I was so proud of Erin as she worked with her friends to organize fundraisers and work toward bringing the very real curse of breast cancer closer to it's end. Her team alone ended up raising over $120,000 toward the cure. The real moment of pride came as we headed up to St. Pete for the closing ceremonies and joined the huge crowd of family and friends as we greeted our loved ones who had spent the last three days walking 60 miles in hopes of eradicating breast cancer.

I love my wife. She's an amazing woman. Just wanted to share that...

Midlife Crisis

I'm not entirely sure why but this morning as I drove into work I was reminded of the failures that have taken place in my life. Granted, it wasn't every failure that came to mind but it was the one's that, for whatever reason, still seem to haunt my memory. And it's not like these are things that I dwell on or that keep me up late at night, chewing my fingernails and causing me untold anguish, but, well, sometimes remembering them just simply gives me the blues. So here are some of the thoughts that came to mind...

...the time that I gashed my hand open the week before a beach volleyball tournament, when my partner and I were probably at the best playing level we'd ever be at...

...the tournament that found us playing to move into the semifinals where we rallied only to lose due to an errant serve to my partner...

...the tournament this past year that I "played" and then got benched to watch the team go down in further flames...(not too mention the open gym I attended shortly thereafter and simply played the worst I've played in years!)

(Lots of sport failures in there...)

Those were some of the more vivid one's that came to mind. Along with them came thoughts of missed, at least in perception, opportunities like my parting with ministry life. Or different financial things.

I don't know, I guess that sometimes I just find myself having failed one heck of a lot more than I've succeeded. The only things I've done right are marry my wife and father my two pretty great kids but that's better attributed to the grace of God than to any merit that I might have. I've just found myself as of late really longing to make an impact, to do something of substance with the ideas, thoughts, and dreams that I have. I don't want to have my dreams crash and burn like those of my youth. Yet, some days, I'm not even sure what those dreams are...

I Miss This...

It's funny but I just found myself, after pounding out email after email on the laptop, working feverishly on our little fledgling website, longing to blog something. Anything really. The truth is, I've missed my little rendezvous' with this little diary of mine. I miss having someplace to simply unpack my thoughts, my feelings, and little points of happenstance that have come along my way. Yet, I feel that more often than not, there's just not any time for those sort of things. And even more so, I wonder if I anyone cares what I've got to say anyway...

But the truth is, I miss just having the very time to share my thoughts. Forums like this give me an attempt to put my whirling thoughts onto paper, in a manner of speaking, and allow me a chance to see where I've been and where I'm at, hopefully pointing the way to where I'm going. When I don't have those opportunities (see the last year, virtually!) I feel a bit lost, like I'm mismanaging my time and more.

So, I took the time. And, you know what? I feel just a little better for it. Now I'm going to close this laptop up and go crawl into bed with a good book. Ah, it feels good to have some time...:)