Discussions and thanksgivings...

Yesterday I found myself uttering those most stupid of statements, especially when one works in an environment when one knows it will generally illicit a certain response. I was chatting with a co-worker, a pleasant thirtysomething mom of two, about some local churches. She remarked that she and her family had recently switched churches, to which I asked where they were now currently attending. She stated the name of her new congregation and then posed the question,
"Where do you go?".

Now, a wiser man would have backed off, said something insignificant and busied himself with his work in an attempt to not have the same conversation again.

I am apparently not yet a wise man.

"Um," I paused, "I don't really go to church right now".

The conversation that played out was one I've had and have witnessed time and time again. The issues of biblical instructions regarding coming together with other believers as well as the simple "need" that I have, even for the institution. The "discussion" ended okay, I guess, but I walked out of it with some thoughts.

First, I need to stop talking about this with people. It's not an issue that most people are wrestling with and those who aren't really don't get it. This is not to say that I'm on another plain or plateau above others but is just to acknowledge that there are certainly many who do not have this dissonance within them.

Second, I need to find some more people with this dissonance within them and work our discussions out to the place of seeking positive movements rather than simply criticisms of the current workings of the church. We need to become more proactive in seeking out what community really looks like, what vulnerability and being broken, blessed, and bitchy all in one really look like. We need to begin practicing our faith, living it out loud, and really looking to endure the criticisms that will come against us with love.

Lastly, I think we need to pray. We need to pray for one another. We need to pray for the Body of Christ. Within that, we need to pray for the megachurches and the little "hole in the wall" churches down the road. We need to seek God's guidance for the small house church gathered in a suburban neighborhood as well as for the avant garde gathering inside of a way-cool coffee house. Like it or not, we're called to live and function together and He glories in it all.

One final thing I've realized in the past couple of days is that I'm very thankful for the thoughts and influences God has brought into my life as of late and has used them to open me to some very new things. Even the parting of my ways with my previous ministry are things I thank Him for now. They haved shaped me, developed me, and ultimately brought me closer to Him.

I thank Him for my mentor and friend, Richard, who is walking with me, searching the path of the monastic way for truth and helping me to appropriate it to an everyday life. I'm thankful for the writings of men like Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen who have encouraged this very same action, both having lived out profound existences in pursuit of the heart of Christ. I'm thankful for the new friendship developing between my online pal, Ryan, and his wife, Holly. His ideas have challenged me and made me reevaluate a lot of what I once held firm. I'm thankful for the work of Brian McLaren, whose books have made me think, evaluate, reconsider, and pause. I'm thankful for Doug Pagitt who has made me laugh, think, and rethink the idea of community. I'm thankful for Richard Foster and his work dealing with simplicity and it's biblical emphasis. I'm thankful for the writing of Don Miller who has made me laugh and ponder and dream. I'm so thankful for the writing of Renee Altson and her impassioned honesty. I'm thankful for the irreverent work of Anne Lamott, and for her depth. I'm thankful for the friendship of our on again, off again, Enigma group and the friendship of ESandra, Billy, Jessica, and Tim. I'm thankful for my friend, Joey, who I don't see enough but am looking forward to catching up with.

To close an insanely long post that initially started so simply, I'm thankful to God for my wife and son, who ground me, remind me of who I am, and where I've come from. I know, in good faith, that at the end of the day, win or lose the battle, agree or disagree, I can find solace in their loving arms and receive the grace, strength, and courage to go on another day.