It's been a long week. Last weekend actually, I felt myself taking a few steps into that place that St. John of the Cross called the "dark night of the soul". Just as I mused over some different things, this journey I'm on, and it's uncertainty, I felt a bit engulfed by loneliness. It truly can be a lonely task following Christ. I know that there are those who might suggest to me that my exodus from the traditional church has aided that concept and to some degree I'd agree with them. But there's something more to my dissonance. It's more than some schoolboy's frustration with the authority of the principal. Rather, I'm following what I see in the Scriptures, what I see is real and true. And that leaning is taking me somewhere that is uncertain, and a bit scary. Even though others walk alongside me, it's still a dark place to enter into.
Along this seeking and searching, I've found that Jesus seems to be showing me more of who I really am. That is not a comfortable experience. Every step closer to Him, being bathed in that majesty, that glorious Light, exposes my wrinkles, my scars, my faults and failures. I've never quite realized my selfishness, my pride, my lust like this before now. On some levels, it makes me want to give up, to just say the hell with it. On the other side though, is this insistence within me that continues to call to me, reminding me that I'm the beloved of Christ, because of His very own sacrifice. I'm reminded that the Father holds me in His hand and He will never let me go, that He loves me more than I can ever imagine.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment