A Bit of Melancholy

Recently I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend just a short while after we had finished up our time in high school. The two of us had grown up together in the same fundamental church and were just beginning to spread our wings a bit. We weren't terribly close but that didn't stop us from heading out to a local Denny's one evening for some "Moon Over My Hammy" and good conversation. What sticks out most about that conversation was one point my friend made. He said:

"I don't want to go through life having experienced nothing. I want to experience it all, the ups and downs, the pain and joy. That's real life too me."

Our conversation continued and I tried to label him crazy. I understood what he was saying but, well, I'm not all about the downs and the pain. I think they suck. And while they perhaps make us better people, refined people, people who have been there and done that, I still don't particularly want to experience those things.

Well, in recent days that conversation has come back to me. I've long since long touch with this friends but those words have rang loud and clear in my ears lately. Somehow, deep down, I think that perhaps my friend has gotten his wish. As I've observed my life, as well as the lives of others, it appears as though we all experience those things, the horror of loss, the thrill of small and large defeats. Life is filled with a brutal menagerie of those very experiences. Those of us claiming to be Christ-followers can frame those things in a setting of God's will and sovereignty but that still leaves the sting to be dealt with. In good times there remains a temptation to claim the glory for yourself and in the bad is the yearning to scream at God, accusing Him of all the wrong there is, begging for release.

It's a strange place to be, this life. I'm in a place right now where I can't really find which way is up and I wish that were not so. I'm frustrated by the downs and desperately am hoping for a revival of the ups. I might do some screaming at God but am thankful that His grace is sufficient for even my frailty and foolishness.