A New Me at the Wal-Mart...

I finally finished reading Thomas Merton's book, The Sign of Jonas, the other day. One of the most insightful things Merton shares toward the end of the work is a sense of thanksgiving for the death of who he was. He shares that he has died from the person who wrote one of his earlier books, to the person who initially entered into the monastic novitiate, and from the person who took solemn vows not so long ago. He is thankful for these changes and for these deaths that have occurred within himself. Each has brought him closer to truly understanding Christ and of fully living in His Presence.

I resonated with that idea and got to thinking about whether or not I've changed, or, as he puts it, have really died. On some levels, I'd say that yes, I have. I'm definately not the person I was ten years ago and am even not the same person I was even two to three years ago. My perspectives, ideas, and even concept of God have changed a lot in that simple span of time. But, inside of me, I really questioned, at least for a moment, whether these thoughts, these ideas, were genuinely having any influence on me. They certainly have not stopped the flood of questions that come to mind and I still wrestle with many, many issues. Have I changed?

Enter the wonderful world of Wal-Mart. Now, I have some friends who are pretty anti Wal-Mart for varying reasons but I have yet to see the Wal-Mart movie yet and cannot weigh in on these issues. I needed some stuff. Wal-Mart was nearby. Ergo we go to Wal-Mart.

Here's the trick. It was on a Saturday. Around noon. Not the wisest decision I have ever made, that's for sure. It was madness. I ended up parking at the very back of the parking lot in order to avoid the craziness and potential accidents just waiting to happen as people circled, frantic, in search of the perfect front-row parking space. Upon entering the store, noise and confusion greeted my ears and mind. People and carts were going here and there, piling up on goods and sighing in frustration as they were made to wait in line. I took my time, found the items I needed, and soon went to get in line. Now, it took a while to get all of my stuff and all but as I stood in line waiting for the two customers ahead of me, two things came to mind.

The first was an acute sadness for the frantic pace that many of these people were leaving their lives by. The lady in front of me, exasperated, kept running to and fro, grabbing items she'd forgotten while she left her eight year old son there to man the cart. The look on her face told of a pace of life that was surely not healthy, nor right. As I looked to my left and right, I saw my fellow customers perusing the other check out lines in hopes of a quicker escape. My heart was saddened.

The second thought that occurred to me, and I give every ounce of glory to Jesus here, was that I did not have this harried spirit within me. In fact, as I'd walked through the store, I'd felt an unusual calm surround me and guide me where I needed to go. It reminded me of Neo in the Matrix films, after he's realized that he really is the one. He walks through a crowd with no thought at all, no pressure and no hurry. I praise God that for just one simple moment on a cold Saturday afternoon at the Wal-Mart, he allowed me to erect an Ebenezer stone to him and glorify him in what He is doing in my life.