Recently, I've found myself indentifying more and more with Keaunu Reeve's character, Neo, in the Matrix Trilogy. Most recently, I've envisioned myself in the early portion of the story, as Neo is being inundated with information that runs entirely counter to all that he's ever known. He's shown that the world is not at all what it has appeared to be. There is more to life, as he's always expected, yet the path to get there is not a pleasant one. In fact, it's downright strange.
In addition to the path, there are all of the realities that he is forced to work out in short order. The information is slamming into his mind, filling it up, and making it seem as though his head will explode. Eventually, Neo stumbles out, somewhat staggering, and falls to the floor of the Nebuchadnezzar and vomits. Yup, that's me right now.
I have been devouring books, blogs, and podcasts as much as I can. I've been wrestling with new thoughts, new challenges, and old one's as well. My mind feels as though I've jammed more into it than it can ever possibly figure out. One some level, I realize that not all that is jammed up in there is of critical importance. Yet, I also know that much of it is. Perhaps the most difficult part of the process is that I feel confident in the path in which I'm heading. I feel as though this segment of the path that I'm on is truly being shown to me by Jesus, and that He's leading me where He wants me to be. I just don't know how to react to it sometimes.
I know that it will all work out in the end. I know that I'm trying to keep Jesus at the forefront of my thoughts and that, as I sort through all of these thoughts and challenges and questions and truth and lies that He will illuminate the things I am to focus on. I also know that some of my reaction to this is his way of purging me of myself, of forcing me to abandon myself and seek out the filling of Him. I just hope some of it starts to make some sense soon...
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