I'm really tired this week. Yesterday, I just let some things build up that really put me in a foul frame of mind. It's not that I didn't see some of it coming. Some of it I didn't. Some of it I realistically had no control over. The problem is that I have full control over how I react to the situation. It's not as though someone walked through my ears and into my brain, grabbed hold of the controls, and got me out of sorts. Nope, I did it all on my own.
Part of the issue seems to stem from my, and this is going to sound counter to the previous idea, growing closer to Christ. As I have sought Him, He has shown me more of myself. And I have been repulsed. I have been overcome with pain as I realize aspects of my pride, my guilt, my selfishness. I so desire to be humble, to truly understand what it means to be content with what I have and to consider all loss but gain for the cause of Jesus. But I keep stumbling so hard. I indict people whom I perceive have harmed me in some way or another. I criticize those that do the very things I do.
I'm so very tired and so desirous of His Presence. May the God of Creation draw me to Him and bring me to a place of rest.
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