You Be Hating..?

I'll never stop being amazed at the perception and intuition of our little ones. As my son was preparing to head out the door with his grandmother to go to preschool, here's the conversation that transpired:

Tyler: "Daddy, are you going to go to work today?"
Me: "Yeah, Daddy's going to go get ready in just a minute."
Tyler: "Are you be hating it?"
Me (a little taken aback but honest): "Yeah, some days Daddy does."
Tyler, walking out the door w/Mee-Maw: "Daddy be hating his work..."

It's a dark thing, a painful thing, and a weird thing to acknowledge that this is true. I've hit the place in my "professional career" where I really hate my job. Now, I don't hate the people and I don't even hate the work all the time but I hate the fact that it's just not, well, me. I don't feel complete in what I'm doing. As I spoke with a distant friend recently about this, he put it succinctly: "You're not buying what you're selling." Yup, kids, thats about the size of it.

While acknowledging a place for Christian retail, I realize that I personally am fed up with it. I'm tired of Jesus fish, Jesus shirts, Jesus lamps, and all other assorted and sundry Jesus junk. I believe that we are feeding into the already materialistic and consumer-crazed monolith that is already wreaking havoc on our society and I am tired of being a part of it. At least thats the big ideaological side of it. The other side of the picture is that I don't feel, and I hate to use this word but, called, or perhaps a better word is fulfilled, in what I'm doing there. I feel as though I'm sitting on both knowledge and talent without the forum to use them there and it's driving me crazy. So, yes, I guess, at least some days, I "be hating it."